Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Same planet, different worlds.

You know how people say, "Having a baby changes everything"? Well, it's true. Even your vocabulary changes. More accurately, the same words you USED to use now mean totally different things. 

date night:
  • pre-baby meaning: Going out to dinner and maybe a movie with your spouse, to return home in the wee hours after an enjoyable stretch of time away from home.
  • post-baby meaning: Eating macaroni and cheese with real silverware between baby-feedings in the evening. 
having a good day:
  • pre-baby meaning: Shopping for a wedding shower, then stopping at Starbucks before heading home.
  • post-baby meaning: Taking a shower, then stopping to brush your hair before it dries snarly.
  • pre-baby meaning: The systematic and careful removal of dead skin cells through the use of loofahs, scrubs and lotions to reveal a smooth, healthy, radiant glow.
  • post-baby meaning: Isn't that what toweling off is for?
sleeping in:
  • pre-baby meaning: Saturday and Sunday mornings with awakenings after 10 a.m.
  • post-baby meaning: Arising with the baby at 7:50 instead of 7:25.
  • pre-baby meaning: Sitting quietly, listening to music or reading a book, enjoying a serene environment.
  • post-baby meaning: Sitting down. Ever.
going to bed:
  • pre-baby meaning: The time of the evening when you get into your bed and SLEEP. For, like, six or seven hours straight.
  • post-baby meaning: The time of the evening when you first starting taking a series of two-hour naps until morning.
watching a movie:
  • pre-baby meaning: Going to a theater, selecting one of a variety of feature films to watch, purchasing concessions, viewing trailers, enjoying a two-hour show and then driving home.
  • post-baby meaning: What's a movie?
beauty regimen:
  • pre-baby meaning: The process of making yourself presentable for the day, involving showering, moisturizing, blow-drying, make-up, perfume and tailored clothing.
  • post-baby meaning: The process of making yourself presentable for the day, which may involve brushing your teeth. Hair brushing is optional.

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