I'm getting wiser by the minute

Things I've learned as a mother:

• If you're working in the kitchen and you suddenly realize it's too quiet ... well, it's also too late.
• Yes, he CAN reach your diet Coke where you left it on the end table.
• You cannot make a kid stand up if he doesn't want to. It's frustrating and hilarious at the same time to try. 
• You also cannot make a kid eat something he doesn't want to eat. Before boy, I used to think that when parents said, "She's such a picky eater -- I can't get her to eat XYZ," that they weren't trying hard enough. When I admitted to our pediatrician that I used to think this, he laughed until he had to sit down. There have been meals during which I've broken out in a real sweat trying to get boy to open his little pinched lips for just ONE MORE BITE OF PEAS, PLEASE, KID, JUST ONE. Nuh-uh. 
• You can move swiftly through a bath, and read stories at a good clip, but you cannot rush a kid's actual falling-asleep process. Just take a deep breath and settle in for the count.
• Breast milk doesn't stain.
• Breast milk poo does.
• Respect the baby's sleep at almost all costs. It's impossible to build your entire life around his early bedtime and his two naps a day, but everyone will be happier if you do your best to try to let him get the rest he needs. 
• You bought a diaper disposal thingy. Use it. (This one's also known as, "If you put a dirty diaper in the rarely-used guest bathroom trash can and forget that it's there, no one will like you for it when it's discovered the following week.")
• It's not necessary to always do the baby's laundry separately from the grown-ups' laundry. Actually, it's kind of fun to find tiny socks lurking in the corners of your t-shirts.
• No one like to hear their baby yelling, but sometimes you've just gotta clean out that nose.
• "Sleeping when the baby sleeps" may be the most over-used piece of baby advice ever, but it may save your sanity if your little one is not a good night-time sleeper. I've rediscovered the beauty of the nap.
• Your parents are actually geniuses. You never understood them the way you should have. They are wellsprings of fantastic advice and insight.
• You still don't want to turn into them. 
• But you probably will, anyway.