Thursday, November 13, 2008

Nonverbal communication

A peek into boy's stream of consciousness during mealtime.

Hm, what's it gonna be today? The trouble with not being able to talk is you can never make a meal request. Pleasenotpeaches, pleasenotpeaches, pleasenotpeaches ... YES, bananas. I can handle that. Mmm, these are good. They're so good that I feel like buzzing my lips. Think I'll do it ... now. Direct hit! Bananas on mom's glasses. Gah, I've gotten so good at that it's not even fun anymore.

Hey, wait, she didn't give me anything to bang on my tray while I eat. Time to boycott. I'll just lean way over and stare at the floor without letting her get to my mouth for a few seconds. ... Gotta be patient. This maneuver requires some stamina. Staring at the floor, staring at the floor ... Score. A whisk AND a sealed plastic container. Oooh, I like how they sound when I hit 'em together. I wonder how this whisk tastes ... hmmm, kinda like bananas. Whoops, left a little something on the whisk. Right in the middle of all the wires, where the dishwasher won't get it ... I oughtta be able to taste that again next time, good.

Ok, she put something else on my tray, what is this? Oh, those little crunchy puff things. Bland, but I like how they get really soggy when I gum 'em. Time to tuck 'em away for later -- let's see, I'll just put one here, under the highchair seat cushion. She'll never find it here. And then I'll hold these six until they get good and sticky in my fingers, then, time to scratch my head! I like it when my hair smells like strawberry apple puffs. Nothing like taking your breakfast with you, kinda like one for the road.

Geez, these bananas are thick and sludge-y. Where's my sippy cup? Do we really have to go through this every time I want a drink of cold water, woman? Fine, if you won't have it ready, I'll have to do the whole gagging rigamarole to get it from you. Ready? GACK. I love how fast she hops up. GACK. Oooh, look at her run. GAAAAACK. FINALLY. Thank you. Aaaah, much better.

Alright, I've had about enough of this stuff. Will whining get you to stop offering it to me? Apparently not. How about arching my back and pushing against the seat back? No? Time to bring out the big guns. Ok, gotta wait for the spoon to come toward me ... then SWIPE to get it on my hands (check), and now the finale -- the eye and nose rub! Aaaaaand it's everywhere! 

And just like that, mealtime's over. Who needs to talk when you can get so much to go your way without a single word?

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