iBet iMnot the first to come up with this iDea

Dear Apple,

I write today to update you on the status of Offspring 1.1. (We had been living with Offspring 1.0 until January of this year, when Offspring 1.1 suddenly appeared in its place, so that's been our platform ever since.) Here's a quick rundown of the performance of various software as of today:

Applications with bugs

iSleep. Had we known that this application would have so many glitches, we would have insisted on it being installed before delivery. (You can be sure that, should we ever acquire an Offspring 2.0, we will insist upon this.) However, as it is, you know that we've attempted the recommended installation on a number of occasions, to no avail. We're currently running the application with a great deal of manual (ok, fine -- mammary) intervention, occasionally causing the MPU (maternal parent unit) to run iDragAss, and simultaneously causing the PPU (paternal parent unit) to run iStress and iWorry, but we're hopeful that with time, we can iron out the kinks in this app so that it runs overnight as it should.

Applications growing steadily more reliable

iEat. Offspring 1.0 seemed to run this app only grudgingly. However, now that Offspring 1.1 is a mobile unit, this app engages more easily and processes more input. 

Applications running smoothly

iCharm. Offspring 1.1 runs this one like a pro. This app seems to run especially well when Offspring 1.1 is in the presence of the GPUs (grandparental units), or when Offspring 1.1 requires a reprieve from some failed task. Like running iSleep all night.

iLearn. We have been astounded and delighted with how well this app runs on Offspring 1.1. To date, Offspring 1.1 has learned the names and sounds of a host of barnyard, forest and jungle animals, the names of the MPU, PPU and GPUs as well as other related units, and much more. At times, this app runs almost too well, as Offspring 1.1 has also learned how to open and unload the diaper wipes container, how to pull tissues out of a pop-up container and distribute them around the room, and how to shove small items under heavy pieces of furniture just far enough that those items elude recapture by the MPU and PPU. All in all, though, we find that the excessive learning is worth the installation of this app in the long run.

We continue to be impressed with Offspring 1.1 and look forward to acquiring other applications to test. 

Sincerely,

The MPU