Saturday, April 25, 2009


Skills I used to possess, which I am no longer certain I could manage:
  • Swing dancing, and swing dance teaching
  • Holding any conversation longer than five minutes not containing the word "diaper," "sleep" or "poop"
  • Being away from home for more than three hours at a time
  • Watching an entire movie without 1) falling asleep, 2) wondering if it's turned up too loudly, or 3) being interrupted by a crying baby
  • Eating a meal that is hot both when I start it AND as I take the last bite
Skills I now possess:
  • Managing a 20-second diaper change in the pitch-dark every night
  • Sniffing a baby's hindquarters in public without batting an eye or feeling an instant's worth of self-consciousness
  • Knowing by gut feel when everyone is just about to run out of clean socks and underwear, and doing laundry right before that point
  • Being able to distinguish "nice-and-quiet" from "too-quiet" without even looking
  • Not laughing when the boy "flutter-lips" his spoonful of dinner all over the place
  • The ability to name most, if not all, of the characters from Sesame Street, Oswald, Max and Ruby, Blue's Clues, and Sid the Science Kid
  • Knowing how many bits of string cheese are just enough to keep the boy interested in his dinner, but not too much (which will have undesirable effects on his digestion in many subtle and vicious ways)
I am not at all certain that these lists reflect an overall improvement.

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