Why I wake up laughing most days

Because this kind of conversation, first thing in the morning, is pretty hard to NOT find hilarious. And when I say first thing, I MEAN first thing. The boy sat upright in the master bed, surveyed the room, and launched into this line of questioning in a still-sleepy, gravelly voice.

"Mom. Mom. MOM. What you doing?"

"I'm changing the baby's diaper."

"Why, mom?"

"Because she pooped."

"Oh. [pause] Yellow poop?"

[struggling to answer as gravely as the question was asked, you know, out of courtesy] "Yes, son. Yellow poop."

"Not brown poop?"

[starting to lose the battle] "Um, no. Not brown poop."

"Oh. [another pause] I have brown poop, mom?"

"[AHEM] Yes. Yes, son, your poop is brown."

[And I should have seen it coming.] "Why, mom?"

"Just ... just because."

Things I have said to myself or others since my daughter was born

"What do you mean, training bras are PADDED now?"

"Oh, geez, I'm going to have to tell her about periods."

"My God, she's beautiful."

"I just posted a picture of her on facebook wearing only a diaper. That will be the LAST time her nipples are on the Internet, as long as I have anything to do with it."

"Guess I better read up on this Gardasil vaccine."

"What if she wants to have her belly button/nose/cartilage/eyebrow pierced?"

"I mean it. She really is gorgeous."

"When will I start letting her wear makeup?"

"When will I let her start dating?"

"Oh, Lord -- DATING."

"I wonder if she'll let me help her pick her wedding dress."

"I wonder if she'll breastfeed her kids."

"I know I'm biased, but she's SO BEAUTIFUL."

"I LOVE HER SO MUCH."