A letter to "Thumper"

Dear baby,

Your mommy and daddy are delighted that you are growing strong and getting ready to join us in a few more weeks. As you get stronger and more active, we've got a few things we wanted to take up with you.

• Mommy's ribs are not a jungle gym. Feeling you move is so much fun! But when you stick your toes between mommy's ribs, and kick really hard, it hurts. Seriously. Mommy's not kidding.
• Likewise, mommy's bladder is not a trampoline. No doubt it's fun to jump on it and bounce to your little heart's content! But sometimes that causes mommy to make embarrassingly frequent and pained dashes for the ladies' room. Please -- no more jumping.
• We're not sure how you know it, but you've become very good at STOPPING your wiggles when daddy puts his hand on mommy's belly to feel you. While your devilishness is clever and impressive, it would be really nice if you let daddy feel you wiggle sometimes. You're making mommy look like a very chubby liar.
• Your head is very, very hard. Impressively so, as a matter of fact. We've had doctors tell us that your skull bones are softer right now so that you can be born easier, but we think they're wrong. When you press that head really firmly against mommy's muscle wall, she can definitely feel your hard head! We love knowing where you are, but a gentle push would be fine with us, too.
• Speaking of mommy's muscle wall, she's definitely getting a bulge on her right side, where you seem to like to curl up. Again, we love knowing where you're lying, but it's ok to hang out on mommy's left side, too. You're going to make her look like she's got a lopsided basketball under her shirts.
• Mommy has always loved chocolate, and it seems you may, too, since she wants to eat so much of it lately. We just thought we'd let you know that it gives her ferocious and relentless heartburn now, in a way that she finds a personal betrayal. If you have anything to do with how often she wants to eat it, maybe you could let up a little.
• Where did you find the razors you're currently employing as elbows and knees, you resourceful imp? Please take it easy on mommy's tummy. We're not sure if you're incising graffiti in there for your future brothers or sisters, or if you just like to feel mommy jump. But you might want to lay off a bit.

It's amazing to think you'll be here in just seven or eight more weeks! Somehow, we're pretty sure that you're easier to take care of NOW than you will be then. Keep cooking, and we'll see you soon.

Love,
Mommy and daddy