Is this the definition of irony? I can never remember.

Ways in which the third trimester of pregnancy makes a woman a great deal like the newborn she is about to have:

1. She shouldn't sleep on her stomach.
2. She has to eat 8-12 times a day, in tiny amounts, or risk throwing up.
3. She cries a lot. No one can figure out why, least of all herself.
4. She can't hold her pee.
5. People tell her she looks gorgeous when everyone involved knows they're just being nice.
6. Her weight gain is all anyone cares about.
7. Either that, or her quality of sleep. Because sleeping through the night? A total thing of the past, now.

Things no one ever says when they turn on the radio

1. "Daughtry? SCORE."
2. "I really wish they'd play that new Britney Spears song more frequently."
3. "Wait ... when was that car dealership sale again? Turn it up -- I can't hear the announcer."
4. "Where do you think this DJ gets all his cool sound effects? I'd love to get some of those for ringtones."
5. "Man, this Nickelback song sounds NOTHING like their other ones."