Move over, Wonder Woman.

Superpowers I have obtained since becoming a mom:

• Ability to always know where the keys are
• Ability to survive on interrupted sleep (at a level known, up till now, only by torture victims)
• Ability to make even boxed macaroni and cheese into something remotely healthy by sneaking in green peas (to which husband exclaimed, "You RUINED it!")
• Ability to never let anyone in the family run out of clean underwear
• Ability to not laugh when boy waits till I get the spoonful of squash right to his lips, then blows a tremendous raspberry.

Superpowers I still need to develop:

• Ability to deal with geckos (there is a TEEMING COLONY of them outside our front door)
• Ability to fake being pulled together on days following rough nights
• Ability to whip up dinner from whatever's in the pantry, like a kitchen MacGuyver
• Ability to display perfect patience when boy pulls my hair, scratches my neck, gooses my upper arm or bites me YET AGAIN
• Ability to clip and remember to use coupons at the grocery store, plus keep track of double- and triple-coupon days and sale flyers

Trembling with more than the cold

Irrational fears I used to have, in connection with bathrooms:

• That there was a frog or an alligator in the sewer system that would swim out and bite me on the tush.
• That any photograph of a person's face was watching me pee (I always had to turn the TV Guides over to lay on their covers).
• That there was a murderer hiding behind the shower curtain.
• That a face would suddenly appear in the darkened window, terrifying me as I showered at night.
• That there was a roach. Anywhere.

Boy weighs in

Today's post is brought to you by guest-blogger: Boy. Since he's featured so prominently throughout the blog, I thought he might enjoy speaking directly to you.

My top five favorite things, ever (or, so far, anyway):

• Ceiling fans. So, they turn. Fast. And it gets all breeze-y, and my downy hair fluffs up. Plus, they make a pleasant sound that I like to impersonate (see photo of me going "hoooooooo.").
• Bath time. There's this thing I do where I take my hand and I smack the wet stuff really hard. Aaaaaaand it goes everywhere. I love that.
• Dad coming home from work. That guy knows how to play, with a capital pluh.
• When people chase me. Sometimes dad holds me and I look over his shoulder, and mom walks up behind us really fast. Gah, that kills me.
• When stuff rocks suddenly from side to side. I cannot even tell you how hilarious that is.

My top five least favorite things:

• Hats. Super-lame. Mom loves to put 'em on me, more's the pity.
• Going to bed. Dude. I LOVE PLAYING. Why is that so hard for them to get? What's so cool about sleeping, anyway? Stupid bedtime. When I grow up I'm NEVER going to bed.
• Peas. They make me gag. After a lot of gagging, I think I finally convinced mom to quit feeding them to me. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that the last time I had squash, there was a little something extra mixed in. That woman's good.
• When mom walks out of the room. Geez, I really hate that. And you'd think by now she would have picked up on it. Sometimes, she's not so quick.
• When mom cleans out my nose. Um, excuse me? Those were mine. And I wanted to keep them. Just put down that blue rubber bulb-y thing and step back, already.

Perspective

Things that, when you're sick, you swear to yourself you'll do once you get better:

• Work out
• Appreciate breathing through both nostrils
• Stop eating junk food
• Be grateful for having a job to go to
• Thank your spouse for taking care of you

Number of items on this list you actually do once recovered:

None.

Grateful, part 2

Why mgb, married yoshimi's husband, rocks:

1. Because he's known me since I was a total dork (as opposed to the semi-dork I've become) and still wants to be friends with me.
2. Because he reads books. Like, real books. Fiction and stuff.
3. Because he married the aforementioned ms. yoshimi. She's in-freakin'-credible. And if it wasn't for him, I never would have met her.
4. Because even if it's been months since we talked, I know it's all good and we won't waste any time berating each other for not calling -- we'll just jump into the juicy stuff.
5. Because sometimes he hears songs that make him think of me, and he'll send me links to the files so I can hear them too.

Grateful, part 1

Why I love the boy:

1. Because of the way he sleeps on his tummy, with his diapered butt way up in the air.
2. Because of the way, from time to time, he'll put a tiny hand on either side of my head (grabbing one ear and one handful of hair), and try to eat my face. It's as if he, also, loves me so much he wants to consume me.
3. Because he is always, always happy to see me. And it doesn't matter if I haven't brushed my hair or if my t-shirt has strained peas on it or if I'm two weeks behind on getting my brows reshaped. He just lights up. (I'm enjoying it while it lasts.)
4. Because he is heartbreakingly beautiful.
5. Because he is mine.

Why I'm sweet on my husband:

1. Because he gets the spiders. And geckos.
2. Because he knows how much I hate being startled and has never once leapt out at me from behind a door.
3. Because he hung in there and waited. And waited. And never gave up.
4. Because sometimes, once in a while, he looks at our son and the boy's beauty makes him cry, too.
5. Because he's never once made me feel bad about myself or said anything intentionally hurtful to me in the nine years we've been together.

Good thing he's too young to vote.

I don't generally trust my seven-month-old son's judgment. Here's a quick run-down of his opinions ...

Things that taste better than actual food:

1. His fingers
2. My wrist
3. Carpet fuzz
4. Blanket lint
5. Strands of hair

Syllables/sounds that are preferable to "ma-ma":

1. Da-da
2. Gee
3. Ba
4. [Various tongue clicks]
5. Ts

Objects more interesting to gaze at than his mother's face:

1. Ceiling fans
2. Windows
3. Moving cars
4. Televisions
5. Tubes of diaper ointment

Items more fun to play with than toys created for that purpose:

1. Shoes
2. Plastic bags
3. Paper napkins
4. Empty water bottles
5. Stereo and TV components

Every now and then, though, he gets it right.

People he prefers to his mother, when he's scared or wants comfort, especially in the middle of the night:

1. No one
2. No one
3. No one
4. No one
5. No one.